STANDARD TIME (A short story in email by Max Harrick Shenk)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org To: email@example.com Date: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 11:53 EDT Subject: Standard time
It happened again, same as it happens every first day of daylight savings time and every first day of back to standard time... first thing in the morning, from the bathroom, I hear...
"Brian? Is this clock the new time or the old time?"
Then, throughout the rest of the day...
"Brian, what time is it? Are you SURE it's that (late-early)? It seems (light-dark) for that time."
I love my wife Christy but good god almighty she drove me effin' nuts yesterday afternoon... She keeps saying she has curtains she wants to hang in Becca's room... which means that the hardware has to be put up... and of course the hardware has to be put up WHILE THE STEELERS GAME IS ON. ("Briiiiian. Come onnnnn. I need to do it NOWWWWW. Just take a moment... come on, come on...")
She needs to do it now. All right.
So I take the rahdio into Becca's room so I can TRY to listen while we work, and of course Margo has to complain about Myron Cope the whole time ("God, I don't see how you can stand him quacking through the static, Bri... don't you find him annoying?")... OK, so she just out of nowhere climbs up on a stepstool to puts xs on the wall "right where they should go"... and I'm like, don't you want to measure? "No, this is right..." I said "Honey, why don't we measure? How long are they?"
"Same as in our room."
So I go in and measure the windows there, write down how far from the top the brackets go and then come back in, measure down from the top of the casement, make my little pencil Xs on the wall... get my little Yankee Handyman drill out... the Steelers are losing... "God, he's annoying, Bri"... and the whole time she's right there watching me... "Maybe you ought to..." "Why don't you..." "Do you think that's..."
I finally said, "Honey, look down and around you."
She goes "What for? Why? Why?"
"Just... look around."
She's looking around. "What, Bri?"
"Well, you see the floor... and the walls... and the ceiling... and the windows, and the door?"
"Well, I BUILT them, honey... in fact, I built this whole house... so I think I can handle putting up F*#%ING CURTAIN RODS!!"
(I DIDN'T say the F word in front of Becca. Just mouthed it. I'm getting really good at this.)
I'm truly pissed and annoyed but of course this gets Margo laughing and she steps up on the stepstool behind me and hugs me and kisses me. "I'm sorry honey." But I was still bugged, and I said, "It's all right, honey... it's just, the Stillers are on, I wanted to sit down and watch the fussball game..."
"Well, I wanted to get it done now, sweetie... thanks. Thanks." Kiss. "Thanks."
So finally the brackets are up, Becca and I go in and watch the second half of the game... she's sitting there, wrapt... asking me all sorts of questions. It was fun bonding time...
They lose and I'm pissed and Becca goes "Daddy don't be mad. It's just TV."
But now she wants to go get cider and donuts, which sounds good to me... "and Mommy can come too..." so Becca runs back to get Mommy, and I hear them laughing from her room, and I go back there...
...and in the windows are.... no curtains.
So I go "I thought you were gonna hang those curtains up."
And she goes "Oh, no... I didn't even sew them yet."
I drowned her in cider at Peters Orchard, Christy. Drowned the bitch and then tossed her in that retaining pond across the road.
Becca said "Where's Mommy?" and I said, "Sweetie, she drowned in cider."
I sort of remember Mom and Dad having scenes like this, and Fran and Tom too. So we have officially become our parents, Christy.
Gotta get to my noon class... hope you're doing well... looking forward to the game! Have a good week. xoxo bri